i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
