I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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