Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
