I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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