walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
