There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
