We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
