Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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