I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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