OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
