we have pet lesbian snakes
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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