Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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