but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
