i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize