the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So vagazzling was a success
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
