dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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