I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize