I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
