You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
