it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
