is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
