His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize