real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize