Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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