..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
