saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
