we have pet lesbian snakes
Yo dont text me then not text me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
