Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
