Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
