haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize