Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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