We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize