chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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