so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
