Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
