last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
