in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
