So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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