Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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