Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
