reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
