Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
