R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
