Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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