forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
