she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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