I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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