I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize