I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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