She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
