oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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