you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
