At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
