i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
