so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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