she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
