jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
