when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize