At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
