you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
