Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize