everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
