as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
