conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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