I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
