I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
