You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
