Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
