Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
