called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
