i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
