I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
