I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize