You just made me feel so damn special
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
