you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize