i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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