fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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