this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
