She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
