so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
