he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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