Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
