You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
