I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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