DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
