I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Congratulations! We have a period
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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