Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize