You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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