Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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