is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
