dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
