Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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