I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
