Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
