I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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