sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
