the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
