While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
