Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
