I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
