My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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