ya dads aren't the best wingmen
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
