Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
