Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
