She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
