Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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