I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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