If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
