Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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