Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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