I cannot find my penis.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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