My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
