It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
