it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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