I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
