He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
