It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
