hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
