lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
