Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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