I hope mine doesn't look like that
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
