i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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