I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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