Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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