Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
