So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
