I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
