The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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