I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
